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 Minding
Our Elders contains six stories of my own, plus twenty
stories obtained through interviews with other boomers struggling
to keep up with the needs of their aging loved ones, and not
go crazy doing it. One woman is in Georgia, caring for parent
in New York. One man is in San Francisco and was caring for
his dying father in Florida. The setting for the rest of the
interviews is Fargo, North Dakota.
- Carol Bradley Bursack
Expanded Table of Contents
- Prologue - The prologue brings the reader along on one
of the author's daily visits to the nursing home where both
of her parents and her mother-in-law reside. It also explains
the purpose of the book, that of sharing the often poignant
and sometimes amusing stories of adult children attempting
to usher their elderly family members and friends through
their last years.
- Fly Away, Joe - Chapter two is the author's story of her
friendship with her elderly, widowed, completely deaf neighbor
during the five years prior to his death.
- Susan - Susan's story tells of her struggle to come to
terms with her mother's increasing senility, and the frustration
of being the main caregiver, even though she must travel
to reach her mother, while her siblings, who live in her
mother's city, simply don't have the time or inclination
to help.
- Cynthia - Cynthia tells of her move from Las Vegas to
Fargo so she could take on the role of primary caregiver
to her dying father.
- Bill - Bill, Cynthia's husband, tells of bringing his
aging mother from her home in Wyoming to live near him so
he could help her through her last illnesses into death.
- Julie - Julie tells her story of flying back and forth
from Atlanta to New York to help her parents through their
age related problems during the time she was trying to help
her children (and herself) adjust to major life changes.
- Wilkes Finds Marian - The author tells of the aging of
her childless aunt and uncle from Virginia, their eventual
move to the author's town, their decline and deaths.
- Ann - Ann's story reflects the intense frustration felt
when the youngest of a group of siblings never totally separates,
and becomes the primary entertainer of and caregiver to
her aging parents.
- Janice - Janice tells of the pain of watching her mother
descend into severe dementia, and of having to make the
decision, with the help of supportive siblings, to ignore
her mother's life long plea and put her in a nursing home.
- Roger - Roger tells his story of being youngest, a self-admitted
mama's boy, and taking over the role of caregiver to his
diabetic and Alzheimer's afflicted mother.
- Diane - Diane's story illustrates the love felt and hardships
endured to honor an aging, cancer ridden aunt's wish to
stay in her own home until she dies.
- Remembering Milton - The author tells her story of how
she tried to help her dying father-in-law and the way she
tried to help him understand that he wouldn't be forgotten.
- Shirley - Shirley began with the needs of her dying father
and has continued to deal with the changing needs of her
healthy, but aging mother in Montana.
- Mary - Mary, the ultimate caregiver, tells of her near
daily visits to help her mother and talks of how much she'll
miss the routine when her mother is gone.
- Don - Don's story is one of lifelong love for the mother
of a friend, and how he tried to help her die.
- Emily - Emily and her husband spent every weekend for
fourteen years driving nearly an hour each way to her parent's
town and back to help them live, and finally, die.
- What Happened to Brad? - The author tells the story of
her father's failed brain surgery, consequent personality
change, and her attempts to enter into his world and give
some peace to his last years.
- Elaine - Elaine tells of her seventeen years of in-law
care, most of which was in her own home.
- Merrie Sue - Merrie Sue tells of the long drives to visit
her ailing mother and eventually her none too beloved step-father,
finally putting both to rest.
- Steve - Steve talks of his love-hate relationship with
his prima donna mother and his conflicted need to care for her
in her old age.
- Nancy - Nancy comes from a large, caring family that shares
the task of caring for the ailing mother.
- Alice in Wonderland - The author tells of her mother-in-law's
slide into dementia while in her own home, her great increase
in quality of life upon entering a nursing home, and her
slow decline since a near fatal fight with pneumonia.
- Michelle - Michelle tells of trying to care for a dying
aunt, in-laws, mother, and eventually beloved step-father,
while coping with a sometimes psychotic child, the step
father's remarriage and alcoholism and the loss of her rightful
property.
- Karen - Karen's story is of her aunt's decline into dementia,
of finally bringing the aunt into her home, of the stress
of removing her and placing her in a nursing home, and the
aunt's eventual death.
- David - David, a San Francisco resident, tells of his
adored father living in Florida, of finding out the father
has cancer, of trying to set up suitable care, of long distance
worry and finally of the father's death.
- Kay - Kay, a recovering alcoholic from an abusive home
stumbles upon a lonely widow. They become fast friends until
Kay, with a broken heart, watches her friend die.
- Baby Ruth - The author tells of her mother, the youngest
and last of the author's aging relatives to enter a nursing
home. A huge step toward closing out an entire generation.
- Epilogue - The author speaks of her gratitude to her readers
for listening. And speaks of her hope that the stories will
be of help to those that are facing similar struggles.
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